Tag: gratitude

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Stuff Happens: How to Handle It

We had a curious incident with a dog recently, that left us sort of light-hearted and with a profound understanding that stuff happens, often and fast, and most times completely out of your control, save an adjustment or two here and there.

For example, had we not left the driver’s door of our relatively new car opened while sitting on the bumper to change out of our muddy hiking boots, Lucy, the dog, would not have jumped into the seat muddy paws and all.  But we did and so it happened.

Suddenly, there was an outburst of shouting coming from the car next to ours. I ran to close the door, thinking the drama was about not being able to get into their vehicle.  But before I could apologise and close the door, I met a distressed man who explained that Lucy had enjoyed the brief pleasure of romping in our car.

Oh, I said, fumbling for words to only find apologetic ones for creating the opportunity in the first place. I closed the door and shot off to fish out the one microfibre cloth we had for emergencies. Meanwhile, the gentleman produced a wad of wet wipes which were very helpful, and Lucy looked on with doleful eyes as if to apologise for the commotion.

At that point, I was laughing in my heart, so outwardly confessed that it was kind of funny. Lucy’s owner disagreed. He was mortified but surely quite relieved that Paul and I were more relaxed than he had anticipated.

There, we had a story to tell and had no idea what lesson we had learned, other than to keep the doors of our car always closed, particularly after a muddy walk in the Lake District.

But there was more to come, which leads me back to my first point. Stuff happens that is often well beyond your control which likely pushes your melt down buttons. Feeling the heat, we have a choice to escalate the matter or shrink it so to speak. Depending on our reaction, we maintain calm or cause further calamity.

So, what happened?  We had a flat tire on a relatively narrow country road and had to pull the car over to the side but not off road, as the road was not big enough for that. Meanwhile, we stood on the boggy, leafy verge for three hours. Cars whizzed by. Most of them approached at a dangerous driving distance with the speed of a demon and others sceptically looking on as if we were simply out of our minds for breaking down in such an inopportune place.

However, two or three slowed and offered help, which we respectfully declined, awaiting pick up from our vehicle’s rescue team, which arrived three hours later.

So, what does Lucy have to do with this? First, the experience with her reminded us that incidents and accidents happen. The question is what perspective do you take—one that starts from a place of calm or one of upset? Thankfully we chose calm. Instead of blaming one another or someone else, we encouraged and helped each other to stay safe and well.

When we had the flat tyre Paul could have reminded me that it was all my fault that we were out in the first place. He wanted to stay at our lovely spa suite kitted out with an outdoor hot tub and indoor sauna, steam room, massage chair and infrared light. This was our penultimate day on holiday and the only good weather day we had experienced. Never mind!

Next, our priorities were in order as we quickly recognised that the situation could have been far worse. So, the road was country and narrow, but it was not a dirt track where only one car can pass safely at a time. And most importantly, no harm was done to us or the car.

Finally, we focused on gratitude. Sure, it was unthinkable that the wait was three hours, and we had to rely heavily on our crisis management skills to get rescued and wait at the dealer for a rental car for a further two hours, all the while the day was fading. But we were grateful that we had a solution in sight.

Sure, there were many moments when the melt down buttons blinked glowing amber, but we overcame before they burned red. Well, I probably over heated once and was quickly reminded that melting down stalls action.

That is not to say that passivity is the key in times such as these. It is not! But there is a space somewhere in between that hinges on perspective, priorities and gratitude.  Remember, stuff happens!

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Bucking The Comparison Factor

There are a number of factors that go into having a positive body image, running the gamut from being satisfied with how you look, being happy with who you are, feeling good about yourself and not comparing yourself to others.

It is the latter, the comparison factor, that causes plenty of trouble for a lot of folks. Take me, for example,  I all too often, albeit subconsciously, compare myself to another and find myself deflated rather quickly.  And I am not talking about making blatant physical comparisons; those are easy to stamp out.  Each of us is unique, I get that.

Still, elusive comparisons have a way of creeping in and often when you are feeling most confident.  This morning, I was quite comfy in my own space in my Yoga class with my ungraceful Malasana pose (a squat of sorts)– forgive me if I’ve got the pose wrong; I am new to this–until I say the woman in front of me and the one beside me, etc.  You get my drift.

And that is what happened, I drifted from a relatively body positive person, brimming with confidence to an unstable flat footed girlie of sorts.  And as the instructor had said it was okay to go into child’s pose at any time, I took the opportunity to do so, shying away from Malasana.

It was in these few seconds in child’s pose that I remembered that such comparisons fall well below the conscious and are almost undeniable until they back you against a wall. Though I recovered rather quickly this morning, there have been other times that the feeling of deflation has dominated my person indefinitely, like when I was younger and felt that I didn’t fit in at a social event because my hair, my nose, etc… was different from everyone else’s.

I had a scar for the longest time about athletics because I was not as good as the other girls in my class. Instead of accepting that it just wasn’t my thing, I blamed it all on my body’s lack of ability and anytime athletics came up, well my body slumped, all of me did. Admittedly, it all sounds a bit ridiculous but in the heat of the moment, comparison can shake the most confident person’s body confidence.

Going back nearly seven years, I remember the comparison factor furtively stalking my 50th birthday party, forcing conversations about how one world was more enhanced than another’s either due to children, high powered jobs, husbands, properties, size and shape and so on.  Make no mistake about it, we are not necessarily fickle people and didn’t spend our entire time talking consciously about such things, but caught off guard, the comparison factor had a way of sneaking in and forcing our backs against a wall.

Fortunately, we caught on and looked at the flip side, which is about admiration rather than comparison. Big difference. The minute we talked openly about admiring one another for our achievements, whether deep or peripheral, we returned to a spacious place. What a wonderful celebration!

Now back to my yoga class this morning. Did I ever do the Malasana pose as gracefully as the next person? Not a chance but I did the pose in the best taste that I could master and felt quite satisfied with my feet for it. I thanked them profusely. Gratitude is another key to trouncing the comparison factor.

So the next time, you begin to compare yourself to another and feel deflated physically and mentally, buck up with admiration and a dose of gratitude and embrace the space that you are in. It’s all about celebrating you—body and all. For more tips on maintaining a positive body image, check out Episode 4: Your Body Image Inside Out.