Tag: Love

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One Thing You Can Count on Facing in Life

With autumn in full force, we continue to highlight issues that play an important and sometimes forceful role in the lives of teen girls. Peer Pressure is our pick this week. Though a topic that lends itself to fresh content, it’s also one that has been unchangeable over the years.  To this end, I am republishing Six Ways to Handle Peer Pressure, all tips taken from UIO podcast.  So if you missed the blog last year, check it out now and for further tips, listen to UIO: Peer Pressure Inside Out where ever you listen to podcasts.  Happy listening and happy reading. 

The saying goes that only two things in life are certain—death and taxes. And the latter has become a rather grey area for some. Never mind. But here is the thing: the older I get the more I wonder if there is a third certainty that we all have to reckon with. Yep, you guessed it: peer pressure.

We all experience it throughout life. Ever since I can remember, I’ve known about it. Of course, as a child I might not have known its name or fully understood it, but when one of the kids of my youth encouraged me to hide underneath my great grandparents’ old house, though we had been warned of snakes and other dangers, I couldn’t resist the possibility of an adventure. Others had done it and lived to tell the tale. So did I but not without causing a lot of upset to a whole lot of people.

Fast forward, as a middle-aged woman (gulp) the pressure is still on daily, also known as keeping up with the Joneses, not something that I consciously engage in. While peer pressure can be far more elusive at this age, it’s there. For example, when considering strong encouragement from a peer on what outfit to wear for a celebrated occasion, for example, I find myself tempted to give in to what others are doing or to make comparisons that leave me feeling glum.

Make no mistake about it, I know all talk about grooming isn’t about peer pressure. I receive lots of handy advice with no pressure at all and have been known to give out some too, but when peers, people around us, pressure us to do things that make us uncomfortable that might have negative consequences mentally or physically, it is important to see it for what it is—peer pressure.

My examples are small things, don’t sweat them, but there are bigger ones that can be quite intense during the teen years such as pressure to stay out beyond a curfew, drink, smoke, cheat on an exam, get up to shenanigans online, engage in violence, have sex and so on.

Many of these big topics gain momentum in the name of youth or because they are billed as a rite of passage and/or because everybody else is doing it. And if given in to, the consequences can be life altering.

Thankfully, there’s plenty of wonderful advice out there to manage peer pressure. Hence, I have taken six top tips from UIO’s podcast series:

  • Keep self-confidence in tow – ‘Just like we put on coats and gloves when we go out into inclement weather, we need to put on self-confidence when we step out into the world.’

  • Show yourself some love and take care of yourself – ‘Your body serves you now. It really is your temple. Look after it.’

  • Don’t worry what everybody else is doing – ‘Try to avoid making comparisons, you are unique.’

  • Know yourself, what you really value and hang onto it – ‘The thing that you want to dull because you are not fitting in. That is your bit of uniqueness. Own it. It is your superpower.’

  • Dare to be different – ‘It takes a brave girl or woman to say wait a minute, I think I am worth more. I have infinite worth and value.’

  • Think about who you hang out with; who you choose to trust – ‘Those that matter won’t mind; those that mind won’t matter.’

All good stuff from the ladies of UIO. Now about that adventure; it was a hiding to nothing and hardly worth the admonishment I received from my father. As for bagging the right outfit for a special occasion, now is the time to dare to be different. Feeling less stressed already.

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Eight New Years Renewal Tips

Whether you are twenty something, fifty something or an age somewhere in between, your goals and aspirations are likely wide-awake about now, maybe even keeping you awake at night. Not surprisingly, another New Year is on the horizon.

Hence the hype around New Year’s resolutions: everybody should make some to ensure a good start to 2015, right? Not to mention all the things that should happen on New Year’s Day, including special foods to eat, etc. Wrong, I don’t buy into any of it, not really. But I do believe a New Year is a wonderful opportunity to refresh one’s life.

And in doing so, it doesn’t hurt to have a few pointers, not only handy around this time of year, but also any time the sense to renew presides. Here we go:

 

 

  • Don’t get caught up into what you should do. Each person is different when it comes to dealing with love, loss and life. There are great tips and practices for getting over a break-up, for example, and for losing weight, too. But there is no one size fits all formula. The key is to move on in the way that is best for you.
  • Stay in the moment. This means letting go of past hurts and pains. For example, if not having children causes upset, focus on what you do have. Otherwise, you’re trapped in the past.
  • Govern your thoughts. You will need to do so consistently, certainly, to enjoy a positive present. For example, if you’re holding a grudge, let it go. Otherwise, you become a victim or a prisoner. Both ways of being are irresponsible. Go ahead take responsibility.
  • Understand the difference between experiencing emotionality and feelings. According to some experts emotions are toxic. Here! Here! They are simply repressed feelings that have not been expressed. So the next time that you respond ever so emotionally to something, anything, recognise that there might be more than meets the eye. Experiencing true feelings, on the other hand, is safe to do so. You are able to express differences without a dark cloud hanging over the matter.
  • Re-learn to love yourself. Sounds easy but not necessarily so. Loving one’s self means taking gentle care, both physically and mentally. Often this means saying no to unhealthy relations, foods, etc. For example, if you feel unimportant a bit too often, rely on the love within. And once you tap into it, you will have a better chance at loving others healthily, too.
  • Give! This doesn’t necessarily mean writing out a check to a charity of your choice or anyone else for that matter. Not everyone can but most of us can give a smile, kind words, a helping hand or even a good attitude to family, friends, work colleagues, etc.
  • And learn to receive, too. Giving people are often the worst receivers and without knowing can make their givers feel rejected. Receiving is as much about acceptance as it is anything else. So this year when a friend or family member compliments you or gives you something, accept it, and accept them.
  • And lastly, be patient yet persistent. Once you begin to feel re-energised in different aspects of your life, remember that it takes practice to form patterns, ways of being. Take it one day at a time, even moment by moment, which is all any of us have anyhow.

Refreshing realistic, yeah! All there is to do now is to just do it – one experience at a time! Happy New Year to all!