Tag: New York

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Focus On Character For Developing Identity

In the midst of a tense time such as waiting for and receiving GCSE and A-level results, it can be quite easy to feel like your life will be defined by the outcome, desired or undesired.

Actually, however, they are exam results, albeit important ones but exam results are unlikely to define one’s life identity, if you will, no more than landing a certain job or making a sporting team can. Identity is one of those things that can shift shapes throughout life. It is all about being in the moment but not being swallowed up by it, if you will. One moment in time simply cannot define who you are, no matter how strongly you identify with an outcome or an experience.

For example, though I identified with being a journalist early on in life, I found myself desperate to leave my first newspaper job due to a moral conflict, if you will, and set my heart on landing a local PR position, even if it would take my career off track. Never mind it was available and could solve my problem instantly. I was on a fast track to being swallowed up by the moment.

But the moment didn’t embrace me, thankfully. To make a long story short, the job was given to a colleague who didn’t even need a new job at the time. I was devastated. And though I sort of stumbled out of the stupor into a job that would pave the way for me to move to New York, I had not made the connection between character and identity at the time.

As former Paralympic swimmer Elizabeth Wright, our guest for UIO: On Character Building puts it: “Character is an integral part of life.  In a nutshell, character is who you are, it is those elements inside of you that are a part of you that develop and grow. They can be strengths for people. They can be parts of your personality, parts that you can pull on when times are tough.”

Upon reflection, of course, my desire to become a storyteller of some kind influenced my decision to move to New York. It is the land of opportunity after all but I could have stayed put in Georgia, which was the popular opinion, but it was part of my character, having a bit of fortitude, that drove the move. I took courage and belief that a stint in New York could help me to reclaim my loss, not only get back on track but also make some new ones.

Not to mention, the girl cell inside of me, which Sisterhood co-founders Rachita and Rebecca, guests of Your Identity Inside Out, describe as “your super power. “

The moral of the story is this: whether your results are the desired ones or not, focus on who you are, not what you happen to be doing right now, to become the best you possible. And follow your dreams and use your character strengths to identify the right moves for you.

For more hot tips and inspirational advice on being who you are,  listen to Your Identity Inside Out and On Character Building, both available wherever you listen to podcasts and right here on our website.

 

 

 

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Keys To Good Family Relationships

Having spent a weekend with family, I was reminded of how dependent small children are on their parents and guardians for survival. Sure, they exercise a bit of independence, choosing their own outfits and making clear what they prefer to eat and so on but at this tender age, children are not mature enough to decide on their own bedtimes, for example, or how long they should stay glued to a television or an Ipad. Left with them, they would stay up indefinitely and pay the consequences later.

Very few would debate the importance of having a pragmatic relationship with small children but as we grow, the balance of power becomes unclear.  Maybe it is the word power that throws off teens and parents alike.  I know when I was a teenager, I dreamt a world of freedom and independence. It was only when I started working and paying my own bills that I realised how free I had been, of course, within the family unit.

Upon reflection, the world around me had a lot to do with my idea of freedom. For example, if Mary Jane (there was no Mary Jane in my graduating class) was driving at 15 and got a new car at 16, then I reasoned that I had a right to do the same.  My parents didn’t quite see it that way. And once they let me know their views, the story ended or did it.

It did as far as they were concerned but in my mind’s eye, I couldn’t wait to grow-up, so I could jolly well buy my own shiny new car as and when I pleased and have exclusive power over my own life.

Of course, as a young adult, I learned rather quickly that there is a complex line between desire and attainment, that reaching a certain age doesn’t make you all powerful so to speak or give you freedom.  Actually, it is quite the opposite. It was having healthy boundaries and good family relations that gave me the freedom to grow. 

Without those key elements, I feel certain that I wouldn’t have had the confidence to move to New York and then London.  But what makes good family relationships.  Helen Lewis, guest in our podcast, Your Family Inside Out, offers many hot tips.

One key is effective communications. That means sharing your views calmly and clearly.  And this doesn’t stop with young adulthood.  Even now as an adult, I find this advice sound.  Otherwise, the problem does not get resolved. It gets escalated.

Another key element in good family relationships is respecting boundaries.  All families have them, regardless of the age of the family members. Naturally, however, boundary lines change as we grow older.  As a little girl, I wouldn’t have been allowed to ride my bicycle to the store but as a teenager, I could.  No wonder I jumped to the idea of driving ever so quickly. Never mind!

The point is: each family is different and has a different rhythm that they harmonise to and no matter what our age , it is important to have open, honest and effective communications and to respect the boundaries that are often in place to protect us, afford us the freedom to grow not only physically but emotionally and mentally, as well. For more information, listen to UIO, the podcast for teen girls.

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A Taste Of Travel For Teens

Nothing like travel to get us moving, thinking, living. And summertime is the perfect backdrop for it for anyone but especially for teens. With many schools already out for summer in the US and those in the UK letting out soon, teens are on the move and rightly so.

During this crucial time in their lives, there is nothing like travel to get them intuitively growing. But there is one suggestion to really spark this growth, let them leave home without you. Really! Yes, read more in my latest Huffington Post blog.

Roll on summertime for a taste of travel for teens.

 

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Discover the World with Mispronunciations

People mispronounce words all the time, don’t they? And not only when it is according to accent, e.g, American English, British English. The old you say tomat(e)o, I say tomotto. That is not really a mispronunciation. It is a matter style, if you will. High time some folks come to grips with that. Never mind.

Anyhow, I am talking about words whether in English, French or Spanish and so on, that have the same pronunciation – most of them proper nouns, of course.

The ‘s’ in words such as Cannes or even Paris is silent, for example. But who is to know this unless they really know the cities, right, or the language. Wrong, the most savvy of travellers don’t always get it, right. I should know.

So when someone gets it wrong, what then? A) Ignore the faux pas, while feeling embarrassed for their ignorance, B) Correct them promptly, at the risk of being rude, C) Weave the correct pronunciation into conversation, quite politely.

I have been on both ends of all three answers and in the middle, too, watching on during such slip-ups. But in an early experience with this sort of thing years ago, not having been too far outside of Georgia, I mispronounced, okay I botched the word Bethesda, as in Maryland, only in the company of one friend, and her blunt correction left me marred until this day. Her voice, the weight of a strict teacher’s is still in my head. Needless to say, B is the wrong answer.

Then what about A? Wouldn’t it be best not to say anything? Your friend or associate will stumble upon the truth, sooner or later. Not necessarily. A few years ago, still a green expat, if you will, I pronounced Newcastle, as in England, New Castle, as in New York, time and again, until one bold person resorted to B, in a rather hit me over the head sort of a way. Shocked that A, no one had told me politely after all that time and miffed that B, when they did, they were rude, I refrained from pronouncing strange words, so I thought until recently.

In a casual conversation, I chatted easily about something I thought I knew about. After we had changed the subject, my associate so very cleverly and graciously weaved back to it, asking a question about the town/city I spoke of, pronouncing it correctly. So what do you think of Mar-baya, she said as in Marbella, Spain?

The rule here is that the two ll’s in some Spanish words such as Marbella, sound a bit like a ‘y’. Ok, how is an English speaking person to know that unless they have studied Spanish? Actually, though true, it is irrelevant to the point, which is well summed up in an apropos James Joyce quote.

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.”

As for me, best get on with discovering, with a view that some tactful person will help me see (C) my way through it.