Tag: podcast for teen girls

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Planning for future you

Our latest podcast, On Personal Development, the last in our second series of UIO, the podcast for teen girls , got me reflecting upon my own personal journey thus far—the importance of gaining self-confidence and self-awareness early on in life, as well as finding role models.

And though I can’t pinpoint a place in time when suddenly I knew the importance of developing personally, I do remember how much I wanted to be a journalist as a teenager and what I did to get the show on the road, at least from a personal perspective. From reading the announcements at church as if reading the news on NBC to behaving like an investigative reporter when I truly had nothing to investigate, I took a rather naïve yet enthusiastic approach to pursuing my goals.

My family might recall that I always had a question for you no matter what the situation. How could they forget?

In my mind’s eye, all I had to do was hone my natural skills and for sure I would get whatever job I pursued. Peter Jennings, who dropped out of high school but still served as anchor of ABC World News Tonight from 1983 until his death in 2005, was doing so after all.

You see, though I was born in a different era, a different gender, a different race to Jennings, it never occurred to me that I might not have the same breaks, same opportunities that he had. And as it turned out I didn’t, but I did have the desire to pursue my dreams and the confidence to act. And while I didn’t end up on ABC, I have enjoyed some wonderful success as a journalist, a writer and now a podcaster but not without a challenge or two.

To this end, On Personal Development special guest Robyn Spens, a coach and rapid transformational therapist, points out that confidence is key, particularly when in an unfamiliar situation or facing challenges. Here, here to that.

I will never forget feeling as though I was going to drown during a re-branding project, which I was leading, as a major organisation’s interim communications director. And suddenly in a particularly confident moment, it hit me that I knew more than anyone else, even if I didn’t know everything. Thus, it was confidence that saw me through.

It really matters in developing one’s full potential, but it is not the only thing that matters. Robyn talks about the importance of nutrition and sleep, for example, something I am still getting my head around.

One thing that I have learned along the way is that personal development is for life, even if there are stages in life when some bits are more relevant than others. For example, when I first moved to New York, I knew very little about table etiquette. Sure, I knew the basics and had pretty good manners, but when I found myself at a posh event at Tavern On The Green, acting as publicist to the CEO of my organisation, things got really personal.

Since then, I have resorted to my investigative journalism skills. When in doubt find out. Check out On Personal Development for more hot tips from Robyn Spens.

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When a plan comes together

blog on planning and revision

All the talk about revising gets me thinking about novel writing or even podcasting. Sounds a bit far-fetched at first, right? But when you think about it, revising has a lot in common with such undertakings as creative writing. Not only are they both processes, they each require some level of planning.

Never mind those novelists and podcasters whose delivery comes like Johnny on the spot. They are exceptions to the rules. The rest of us need a plan, at least I know I do.

Sure, the ideas often come fast and furious, perhaps when I am running or even flying, but to develop them properly, I need a well thought out plan, which admittedly often gets chopped and changed along the way.

Arguably, the output is all the better for it. The difference between my first novel, Crossing Over, which never saw the light of day, and the actual third one, The Barrenness, which was my first published novel, was not only maturation and growth as a writer but also planning was in the detail, which meant employing writing techniques that allowed the plot to thicken, if you will.

Without a plan, I received a devastating result, a host of rejections, a vocational habit as a writer, but these were empty, without hope and questions about my abilities as a writer rejections—soul destroying.  For ages, I put the manuscript away, couldn’t stand to look at it. But years later when I did find the courage to pull it out and dust it off, not able to get writing out of my blood, I saw the error of my ways.

While some of the writing was good stuff, not all of it admittedly, the piece did not hang together as a novel. With a better understanding of novel writing, I re-wrote it, renamed it Preparing for Grace, and thanked my lucky stars that it had not been published as it was.

Someday, you never know. But for now, I have other plans, the biggest one is growing UIO: You Inside Out, the podcast for teen girls. In the meantime, I have personal plans too. One is to get more sleep. And you know what, when I didn’t have a plan my efforts were futile. But with a plan that includes signing off of all electronic devices two hours before I go to sleep, I’m catching some z’s. Now you know why I don’t answer late night messages anymore. Fair enough, right!

Of course, revising is a bit different to novel writing, but the truth is: planning is always in order, as long as it doesn’t become a distraction. The bottom line is this: planning means prioritising and being intentional about the task, whether it is writing, exercising, eating right or revising. So, what’s the plan?

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Putting The Spotlight on Reclaiming Sacred Space

When unhealthy change comes fast and furious, we see it for what it is but when it comes slow and subtle, particularly if it is seductive, we tend to turn a blind eye to it, until it causes an explosion of sorts. 

That is what appears to be happening in the world of teenage girls—the pressures that are staring them in the face daily are causing widespread concerns. 

To no direct fault of their own, girls are a part of a values shift in society and when values shift, so do norms, mores.  Normalising non-medical cosmetic surgery, for example, even if unintentionally, is a little bit more than a trend. It has fundamental implications for mental and emotional health, as does lowering the bar for when teenagers are given a green light so to speak to engage in sexual activity freely, for example, without reference to emotional and mental health.

Our Wait Awhile research as featured in The Telegraph’s ‘Thousands of girls as young as 13 turn to cosmetic surgery as social media pressures mount,’ alongside The Sunday Times’ recently published ‘Teenagers line up for Botoxjabs to mimic celebrities,’ turns the spotlight on the concern for girls signing up for non-medical cosmetic surgery.

Both pieces, as does our research, begs loads of questions.  What does it all mean? Who is to blame? Is this a trend? Over the past few weeks, not only have I been asked these question time and again but also, I have pondered them. And while the answers will hopefully come in insight and debate over the next little while, followed by lasting solutions, rather than in finger pointing and casting blame, we have something to celebrate.

The cat is out of the bag. This is a hidden story that has haunted me for some time now.  As a longstanding advocate for providing safe platforms for girls, I have been long concerned about the shifting norms we all face nowadays, and particularly the impact this shift has on teenage girls.

For too long, society has turned a blind eye to the mounting pressures that teenage girls are facing because of our obsession with instant gratification, glamour and glee.  It is quite easy to chalk it all up to generational trends and believe that girls, themselves, are setting the trends and leading the way.

But let’s face it, teenage girls, like the rest of us, don’t live in a vacuum.  They are not exempt from this chaotic state in which we live.  

Actually, there is nothing wrong with any of the above concepts unto themselves—a little instant gratification from time to time can do wonders for  self-esteem but when we feel entitled, that is another story.  And on beauty, it has to be the most misused and misunderstood word of all times. Okay maybe liberal takes the cake.  But the point is this: beauty is a wonderful thing. When thinking of and speaking of creation, itself, beauty sums it up.  It is when we set and subscribe to aesthetic standards that isolate and marginalise some and that we simply cannot measure up to that we end up compromising something emotional and mental, which leads to the rise in frustration, unhappiness and all the rest.

It is not bad thing that we are now seeing these stories out in the open, which have often been unknowingly validated, feeding into the continuing shift in our values, which dictate our norms.

So what can we do? See the new direction for what it is and advocate on behalf of and support the most vulnerable groups and communities in society. And aid them in setting the record straight and reclaiming their own sacred space.  That is what UIO, the podcast for teen girls, inclusive of our Wait Awhile initiative, is all about. Join us and have your say via Disqus, our comments platform or contact me directly here .

 

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Keys To Good Family Relationships

Having spent a weekend with family, I was reminded of how dependent small children are on their parents and guardians for survival. Sure, they exercise a bit of independence, choosing their own outfits and making clear what they prefer to eat and so on but at this tender age, children are not mature enough to decide on their own bedtimes, for example, or how long they should stay glued to a television or an Ipad. Left with them, they would stay up indefinitely and pay the consequences later.

Very few would debate the importance of having a pragmatic relationship with small children but as we grow, the balance of power becomes unclear.  Maybe it is the word power that throws off teens and parents alike.  I know when I was a teenager, I dreamt a world of freedom and independence. It was only when I started working and paying my own bills that I realised how free I had been, of course, within the family unit.

Upon reflection, the world around me had a lot to do with my idea of freedom. For example, if Mary Jane (there was no Mary Jane in my graduating class) was driving at 15 and got a new car at 16, then I reasoned that I had a right to do the same.  My parents didn’t quite see it that way. And once they let me know their views, the story ended or did it.

It did as far as they were concerned but in my mind’s eye, I couldn’t wait to grow-up, so I could jolly well buy my own shiny new car as and when I pleased and have exclusive power over my own life.

Of course, as a young adult, I learned rather quickly that there is a complex line between desire and attainment, that reaching a certain age doesn’t make you all powerful so to speak or give you freedom.  Actually, it is quite the opposite. It was having healthy boundaries and good family relations that gave me the freedom to grow. 

Without those key elements, I feel certain that I wouldn’t have had the confidence to move to New York and then London.  But what makes good family relationships.  Helen Lewis, guest in our podcast, Your Family Inside Out, offers many hot tips.

One key is effective communications. That means sharing your views calmly and clearly.  And this doesn’t stop with young adulthood.  Even now as an adult, I find this advice sound.  Otherwise, the problem does not get resolved. It gets escalated.

Another key element in good family relationships is respecting boundaries.  All families have them, regardless of the age of the family members. Naturally, however, boundary lines change as we grow older.  As a little girl, I wouldn’t have been allowed to ride my bicycle to the store but as a teenager, I could.  No wonder I jumped to the idea of driving ever so quickly. Never mind!

The point is: each family is different and has a different rhythm that they harmonise to and no matter what our age , it is important to have open, honest and effective communications and to respect the boundaries that are often in place to protect us, afford us the freedom to grow not only physically but emotionally and mentally, as well. For more information, listen to UIO, the podcast for teen girls.

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The Power Of Self Talk

With the re-release of our first ever podcast, UIO: Your Confidence Inside Out with Cheryl Grace, I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of encouraging words and the impact they have on building self-confidence.  In the podcast, Cheryl points out the importance of positive self-talk.  Don’t say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a good friend, someone you respect.

Out with the ‘I can’t do anything right, I am a complete failure, I’m stupid and so in.’  And in with, ‘I can do this. I am good enough and so on.’ This is a truth that I have not always understood but upon reflection, negative self-talk definitely influenced my confidence, hence some of the decisions I made earlier in life.

For instance, when I was a teenager, I bought into the old saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  In short, I didn’t get into many physical brawls, if any—not much of a fighter but almost always there was a war of words going on with another person or inside of my head, whether it had to do with not liking my looks or not thinking I was good at something like standardised testing.

On the latter, I now know it was believing in discouraging words of others and the negative self-talk that stood between me and my confidence to crack the tests.  Following the first low score I received on the Preliminary SAT/National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test (PSAT), I took a big hit in the area of self-esteem.

Until then I had been pretty evenly matched with those around me, those in my class, in literal arts subjects in particular. Admittedly, I started lagging behind others, mainly boys in Maths around fourth grade. That was the year of integration of the schools in the US, which is an entirely different story to be told another time but does have commonalities with this one, regarding encouraging and discouraging words. Know the power of both.

Anyhow, back to the PSAT, there was the smart boy, who most likely was a genius, who was miles ahead of everyone, who achieved an unbelievable score but I had not necessarily felt inferior to him or any of my other peers until the first low score came, which influenced my standing with teachers and peers, their outlook on my future.

Though I can’t remember a moment where I sort of shrank within, I remember vividly losing confidence, feeling less than others and going into over drive on negative self-talk. This denigration of myself combined with being told that I would need to dream smaller about college and university would haunt me for years to come.

For years as a writer, I didn’t have the confidence to believe in my views, even if they were rejected widely. Thus, I started hating constructive feedback and really didn’t grow as a writer until I started believing in myself again. This began with other wonderful writers and acquaintances propping me up and encouraging me to get on with it. I had a gift.  Then I started sharing my work and reminding myself all the time that I had a gift and even if big publishers didn’t see it, I would still write a novel or two, maybe even three.  We’ll see about that one.

Anyhow, the point is this:  don’t underestimate the power of encouraging words, not only from yourself but also from others.

Discouraging words can be a confidence buster whether from you or from others. Where you are in control, remember that negative self-talk is denigrating and limiting and positive self-talk is affirming and inspiring.  That is why affirmations are so powerful. Stay positive.

And when others speak negatively to you, don’t believe them.  Keep in mind that it is hurt people who tend to hurt others and during the teen years, life can be fast and furious. Sometimes it pays to stop, think and wait awhile before saying things to yourself that will not serve you or take on board the negative words of others.

As for that old saying about sticks and stones, don’t believe it!  Words are powerful and not only can they defend you, they can also offend. For more hot tips, check out UIO, the podcast for teen girls.